Let's start with a confession: I'm skinny. I always have been skinny. I've never weighed over 150 pounds, ever. I even tried to break the 150 mark once and couldn't quite do it. Instead of the normal New Year’s resolutions of 'Lose weight,' or 'exercise more,' I'm vowing to 'eat three square meals a day,' and 'learn to bake.'

Here are two more confessions: I'm lazy, and my dad was skinny when he was my age, and is now huge.

I'm looking forward, friends. I can see the writing on the wall, and it says "Maintenance is easier than repair." with subtext "You're gonna be Gigantor in ten years."

Here's the problem, I'm not too dumb. I can see that maybe cutting back on the Guinness and the pub grub would help to prolong the Lorel and Hardy thing my dad and I have going, but I like Guinness a lot, so that's out of the question. Remember I said I'm lazy?

Here are a few 'Lazy Fellow Diets' that I've (half-heartedly) found around the interwebs that I'm considering for when the 'shape' I’m in stops being 'good' and starts being 'round.'

P.S. - Don't take dieting lightly. I'm a blogger on the 'entertay-net.' Talk to a real physician before you start messing around with your diet. Applying what you learned in 9th grade phys-ed is just a bad idea.

Chicken Soup Diet

If I'm feeling particularly lazy, I'll just use my mom's chicken soup, but this one's great because you get to eat a light breakfast in the morning, and as much chicken soup as you can handle all day. On a 'Nutrition' Scale (out of five) I'd probably give it a four, but on a 'Excitement' Scale it would come in around two. The breakfasts are pretty light (think prune juice and a bagel) and chicken soup may be good for the soul, but the taste buds probably get pretty bored pretty quick

7 Day Diet (All You Can Eat)

Firstly, it's a lie. It's not all you can eat. It’s things like 'Monday: all the Fruit you can eat," and "Tuesday: All the Vegetables you can eat." See? It's a joke. Fooled you. It appeals to the lazy in me because the 'menu' includes fruit, veggies, and beef. That makes my trip to the markets easy, but date-night might be a little awkward. Especially if it's Thursday, which is
'banana and milk day.’ On a Nutrition Scale, a 4, and the Excitement Scale a 3.5 (except for banana and milk date night. That one's a five.).

Amputation Diet

No, don't. I'm just joking (But you would "permanently" lose 15 - 20 lbs if you took off an arm. I'm just saying.) Nutrition scale: Not funny. Excitement scale: Still not funny (11!).

The Chocolate Diet

This one might actually explain how I've managed to stay so thin all these years, as I've unintentionally been following this diet. Lenny Neimark, author of the book "The Pasta, Popcorn, and Chocolate Diet" has passed along one of the penultimate in fad diets. The name alone has drawn millions of depressed women and movie junkies the way a zapper-light draws bugs. With the same effect, too, I reckon.

At any rate, this little doozie appeals to the lazy because it's chocolate, popcorn, and pasta. All things I learned to make at College, and planned out in a way tht's very similar to what the cafeteria served in High School. Nutritionally I'd give it a two or three, and if your girlfriend is on this diet while you're on the 7 Day Diet, Thursday's will be a whole lot of fun.

But Seriously Folks

Don't mess around, and don't take your health lightly. Losing weight correctly is hard work and takes patience to see results. Make healthy choices about your food, exercise often, cut out excess, and for your own sake, seek a professional's advice before rushing to shop'n'mart and buying a two-pound slab of milk chocolate and bananas. As for me, I'm just going to start by switching my regular Dr. Pepper with diet Dr. Pepper and see if I notice.